What the Conversation Hearts Told ME!! (Brian)

This morning as I woke up to the face of my wife, whom I must say is looking about the age of most young moms, I kissed her good morning and got ready for the day. As I was about to leave I looked down at the counter and saw a small pink box that was full of candy hearts. Not usually the kind of person to fall to the temptations of sweets let alone these graffiti littered sugar tablets. However, as I walked past them I may have heard, or just thought, “Take me with you.” So I swiftly pocketed the conversation hearts and rushed off to school.

As I closed the door to my truck I had the feeling that the candy should not remain in my pocket as I drove. But it came to me in the weirdest way. I thought, “We can’t see anything from in here.” I promptly removed the cavity causing sweets from my pocket and launched them towards the dash, however, I noticed one mid-flight that said, “your sweet.” I simply replied with, I know right! On the road to school where I was confronted by an endless strand of incompetence in the form of bad drivers, school buses, dump trucks and speed traps I kept unusually calm. I could not say why, but I felt calm. I could have sworn I heard small little voices serenading me on my journey. As I was grabbing my books and preparing for the mad dash to class that so often accompanies my chronic tardiness. I clearly heard, “Don’t forget us.” I looked around wondering who had expressed their desire to join me. I saw no one. Again I heard the same demand, “Don’t forget us.” I turned to my dash and saw the box of chalky heart shaped semi edible candies and listened. Once again, I heard it. This time I knew its source, the tiny pink box of “Conversation Hearts.” This cannot be, I assured myself. “Oh yes it can,” the box reassured me. I snatched it up in my hand and the box instantly went into opening statements like, “Come here often?” and “Crazy Weather we are having huh? And even “Wanna see my tattoo?” I resisted to Conversations hearts attempts to converse and walked silently as it went on and on trying to woo me into a verbal exchange. As I approached the student services building I spoke my last words to the pink box, which caused some intense staring from my peers, “See ya!” I tossed the talking pink box of hearts into the trash and continued on my way, hoping those around me would just ignore the situation and move on.

I learned two important things from this experience: One is that conversation hearts are scary beyond all reason, and two that one should never eat anything that is capable of conversing.