Today I stood before a grill of meat and flames, breathing in the smells of the first cook-out of the year. I noticed the grass turning green, the ant hill (which I promptly destroyed), people on the basketball court, a few pesky mosquitoes nipping at my ankles and many other signs that summer was really on its way. As I looked up to admire the sunset, I could not help but notice the farm right next to my house. I saw the sheep wandering aimlessly, the rusty tractor that has not moved since 1982, and then I saw it, pure rage. I saw into the eyes of a cow, looking at me cooking up a juicy rib eye. That cow looked at me and said, “moo mooooo moo moo mooo mmmmmmmmmmmmmmoooooooooo!” For those of you who speak cow, as I do having learned it from a boat load of blind dates with heffers. Anyhow back to the point, you can understand that I was enraged by such an accusation. Allow me to translate, “Brian Nye, You killed my father prepare to die.” The cow went on to give me a sob story about how I would feel sitting in a field with a mouth full of grass, and I look up and see my pappy laying atop an iron bed of flames. Clearly that image was a little upsetting. I told him in my best cow dialect that he could go straight to moo moo moo moo! Then I shot him. So really the point of this blog entry is to invite people over for a nice piece of cow. I have suddenly found myself in possession of a whole lot of it.
Disclaimer: No animals were harmed in the writing of this blog entry. Also Wal-Mart “Restaurant Style” Steaks suck.
Disclaimer: No animals were harmed in the writing of this blog entry. Also Wal-Mart “Restaurant Style” Steaks suck.
2 comments:
as a complete professional butcher, who knows his cow meat.. first of all you will not find any butchers at wall mart... mostly because the meat department consists of people putting pre-packaged meat on the shelf. of which was cut and gas sealed weeks earlier at a undisclosed location probly in the mid west some where.. secondly you know a butcher who spends his days cutting up cows, and lovingly placing them on the shelf with the up most care. Also who can hook you guys up with a sweet rib eye.
Uh, yeah. I'm not even a butcher, but I can advise not to purchase your meat at Walmart too! :) Meat or their produce...both will leave you wildly displeased!
I was sad to not hear one word of the much-anticipated ice cream though...how did it turn out? Hopefully better than the steak!
Hey Brian...want to come write on our blog??? We could use with a bit of humor!!!
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